Journey to Faith
By Tillia Britt
Have you ever wondered how some people can be so indebted to their relationship with Christ silently questioning why and how their every move is connected to someone they’ve never seen? Or have you ever been at a church and heard someone cry out so loudly in an unknown language while another person backflipped down the aisle? Okay, maybe it’s just me who has experienced the backflipping, but I’m sure you can relate to my thinking “does it really take all of that to show God your love for Him?” As a pastor’s kid (P.K.) who grew up in a variety of church environments, those were my thoughts. If I’m honest, those thoughts of mine may have been geared towards my mother’s faith walk. Now, before you go judging me, remember I’m not the Pastor, I’m just the pastor’s kid.
The first faith-filled relationship I would see was my mother’s faith relationship and although I didn’t fully understand it, she never changed her modus operandi (M.O.). Due to her relationship commitment with Christ, I’ve always had the luxury of knowing about God. This was the best perk of being a P.K. although some P.K.’s don’t realize it. But that’s another blog for another day. My mom is hilarious, overly loving, and more optimistic than anyone I’ve ever met. For instance, I’ve seen her lose $500 and never look for it because she believed that God had other plans for the money and it’s new owner. If your eyebrows just raised and your first thought about my mom was, “what’s wrong with this lady?”, you’re me at fifteen. Her focus has always been on God’s plan and not the circumstances. This is an inheritance she believed in giving her children along with teaching them about the goodness of Jesus Christ. Today, I’d say it’s the most valuable inheritance needed and given to me from my mom.
I’ve always considered myself a believer. By this I mean I went to church most Sundays, faithfully paid my tithe, helped people in need, read my bible sometimes, and prayed daily over meals. The desire to be the person God created consumed every fiber within me. It was time for me to get to know God for myself beyond the surface level, beyond what I knew from church, beyond the opinions of the “doesn’t take all of that” believers, beyond the checklist I had for going to heaven. I longed to go where my mother had gone with Christ or at least find the starting point. Of all the characteristics my mom has, I desired to inherit her faith so that I could finally understand the difference between “knowing God” and & ”knowing about God.”
Grab a snack, sit back, and get ready to take some notes.. We’re about to go on my journey to faith.
In my mid-twenties, I started to receive answers to questions I had since childhood. I remember sitting in the middle of Crown Christian Center listening to Bishop Finance Bush, Jr. teach about judging someone else’s praise and then, conviction hit me like a big yellow school bus. Judging someone’s praise is what I had been doing for years, regularly thinking, “it doesn’t take all of that because God knows your heart.” I felt sick in the pit of my stomach, knowing that the someone I was judging was my mom. I had secretly judged the overly loving woman indebted to Christ so harshly. I was embarrassed by her loud cries in a foreign language and her running through aisles like Flash the superhero before collapsing to the ground. Bishop Bush taught me when you do not know the entirety of someone’s journey to faith, you cannot judge their praise. I didn’t know my mom’s complete journey, but I knew she had been broken in more ways than anyone should have to bear. She was indebted to Christ because He brought her out of circumstances that were designed to destroy her. It’s not intended for us to understand someone else’s praise, but we can use it as a starting point to our own faith journey to get to know the “who” they are praising.
Seemingly overnight, my marriage began to shift in a direction that I had least expected. It seemed like a journey to the underworld, at least to me. I was young, in love, and thought nothing, or no one, could separate us. I was ignorant! One night I found myself in my closet crying out before God asking for his help. This was the first time scripture really held meaning in my life. Romans 8:28 taught me nothing happens to me, but all things work for me and that the “all” encompassed the good and what we define as bad. That year I opened a faith account at Grace and Mercy bank and started making deposits.I intentionally read my bible, asked God for wisdom and understanding, fasted, prayed over my life, and actively listened to God’s word. Active listening is vital on your faith journey because “faith comes by hearing – hearing the Word of God” (2 Corinthians 5:17).
As a P.K., I honestly failed my mom. I didn’t know anything in the bible outside of the infamous bible stories and verses. I was a fraud. I was the P.K. who spent life in church but knew nothing about God’s word. Remember, before you start judging me, I’m just the pastor’s kid, not the Pastor. I’m grateful that my mother taught me the ways of Christ through her daily life and not just at church because my spiritual memory bank mirrored her behaviors and teachings without me ever noticing (Proverbs 1:8-9 & Proverbs 22:6). Physically and spiritually, I felt my life changing and knew that God was using the brokenness in my marriage to get my attention. It felt like losing $500 but not looking for it because I was focused on God’s plan. God doesn’t cause the pain but He uses it to save souls.
During that season, I read The Power of a Praying Wife and the author of the book, Stormie Omartian, became my prayer life coach. As I began to activate my power as a praying wife praying for my husband, myself, our marriage, life shifted in the direction that pointed towards healing. I uncovered the essentials of being a part of a relationship versus being a part of a religion. God is a gentleman. He doesn’t force us. He’s the Father who protects us from everything, including ourselves. He’s the Friend who tells us the truth even when we don’t want to hear it. He knows it’s vital for our growth. He’s the healer who replaces our pain with purpose. He’s the forgiver of the unforgivable. These are reasons why some people are indebted to Him forever, why some use the loudest volume their vocal cords can handle to cry out to him and, why others backflip down the aisle.
Circumstances seemed to be “just right” in my marriage, career, and relationship with God when He decided it was stretching time. If you know God, you know he isn’t comfortable with comfort. Suddenly, this burning desire to move to Tampa consumed me. At this point, I was indebted to God and understood He always has a plan, always has a purpose, is always on point, and never fails. So, within three months we relocated. A church home was the first thing I looked for and a crazy thing happened - Crossover Church was the church my husband chose, while I wanted comfort - a church close to home. Things were great at our nearby church, I was growing spiritually, but inside, I knew something was missing.
One weekend at a conference, God taught me the difference between a “comfortable yes” and a “wholehearted yes.” Honestly, it seemed to me like that is what I had given based on my previous spiritual state. I mean, I had matured. But I wanted to be “seated at the table with Jesus” not just be in the restaurant, and that required a wholehearted YES! I was a spiritual wimp. I knew God’s plans for my life required more stretching and I feared the process. That night, arms stretched wide, I begged God to fill me up, to stretch me for His will, to remove comfort zones, and to show me His vision of me. The next day, a friend from Crossover called to share her experience with the youth and how her heart longed for me to be “at the table” with them. Immediately, I heard Jesus speaking through her and I said I would come. And just like that, the next day, I joined Crossover’s Activator class and became a youth leader. An insatiable hunger followed. I started intentionally taking care of my spiritual health, reading books, following You-Version bible plans, journaling, setting kingdom boundaries (Boundaries, by Dr. Henry Cloud), worshiping daily, listening to sermons tailored to my season, studying The Life Application Bible, and using commentaries. These were not my plans, but I’m glad God is the ultimate planner of my life who sees me in such a way that is unexplainable to my three-pound brain. Doors opened that I could have never imagined would open, and comfort zones were removed that I had no idea existed. I have been chosen to teach small groups, start an organization, and write blogs for Chosen Pieces. Today, instead of operating out of fear of the transition process, excitement overtakes me when God says, “you’re up, daughter! It’s time to use your gifts for my glory in my kingdom.”
It can be assumed that P.K.’s inherit a relationship with Christ and a completed journey to faith through their parents as Pastors. But I’d like to make it crystal clear. Faith is not inherited from parents or the infamous bible stories. Faith is developed through a “wholehearted yes” encounter with Jesus, obedience to His Word, and plan for your life (Jeremiah 29:11). I once was an '“it doesn’t take all of that” kind of believer, however, now I am an “indebted to Christ forever” believer who shares how our heavenly Dad’s plan is always working together for our good.
