CHOSEN OUT OF LOVE……. NOT BY CHOICE
By Agatha Caballero
My name is Agatha Caballero and I am an Ambassador for God. I have been chosen, by no choice of mine, to represent the beauty that only God can create.
Have you ever wondered, “why me”? Yes, I have, till I met who “ME” really is. I was told in a whispered voice, “She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come” (Proverbs 31:25).
I’ll share a little about myself. I was born and raised in New York and currently, I reside in Tampa, Fl. I’m a mother of 3 wonderful children and also, a grandmother of 4 darling grandbabies. Through my life experiences, I have become an entrepreneur, caretaker, and faith restorer. I love to encourage and empower people to be the best they can be.
I am currently working on a nonprofit organization called “Faith for Her”. It is an organization focused on helping women and adolescents restore hope while encouraging them to see their worth by acknowledging who they were created to be. I have always believed in God but my relationship with him didn’t start until September 23, 2016. I can clearly remember the day that I went down underwater and was lifted up . What a sense of relief I felt. It was as if a ton of bricks fell off my shoulders. You see, I have struggled many years with abandonment issues that caused me to doubt my worth most of the time. As far back as I can remember, I would often find myself in church crying to God whom I didn’t know personally. But what I did know is that I felt safe in His presence. You see, God pursues us even when we don’t know that he is pursuing us.
My mother was hooked on drugs at a very early age and she sent me to live with my paternal family. Since my dad was in the Army, I was babysat most of the time by anyone in my family who had time to watch me. My great grandmother and grandfather were my sole caretakers. Once my dad was discharged from the Army, he came home with his own set of demons. He was a functional alcoholic who harbored bitterness towards my mother. Of course, me being his only child, I often reminded him of her, especially when he was drunk, so his words to me were never nice. Did he love me to the moon and back? YES! Did I lack anything, materially speaking, as I was growing up? NO! However, I was emotionally and mentally abused by the choices my parents made. Then, some years later, I was physically abused at the hands of someone I trusted. This gave me a complex and an attitude.
I have always been a strong woman. I never backed down from a challenge and I always make myself available for everyone. However, I suppressed my feelings because there was no time in this world for a pity party. Therefore, well into my 40’s, I always found myself wanting to cover other people’s feelings even if it cost me putting aside my own feelings.
What we don’t realize is that if we don’t open the old wounds up to heal, they will bleed into other’s lives. You see, it wasn’t until God said to me, “daughter, you aren’t going to like this but, I have to get you alone and this is the only way.” God stripped me of everything. He stripped me from my kids, my home, my comfort zone in NY, and a relationship that I thought was preordained by him was diminished in “a blink of an eye”, leaving me in complete solitude. Many nights I cried til I was out of breath and on my knees asking God, “why have you forsaken me”? Then one day His response was “I needed to protect you” (sigh). I couldn’t believe that Yahweh loved me so much that he would put me in total isolation just so I would become more intimate with him and, just so that he could show me the plans he has for the next chapter of my life. He had to remind me that my life was not about me, but more about what he had chosen me for.
A friend once told me, I threw the towel in and God threw it back at me. Thank you God! He didn’t give up on me even when I gave up on myself. This is the God I serve and this is the God that I want to show others. I know that through all my trials, tribulations, heartaches, losses, grief, abandonment, betrayal, I never lost my faith. I would still say today, through the puffy eyes, runny nose, and achy body, “God, I trust you.” I believe that because of my “mustard-seed size” faith, and this is why I can say I’m still here. I know that it takes a lot of determination to keep the faith when you feel all the odds are against you.
This is why my passion is to be that one person who will have faith in another woman until she can restore her faith on her own. Sometimes people just need one person to say, “I love you, I got your back, and I will stand in the gap and have faith for you until you get back up”.
This is my calling. This is my divine purpose. This is my pleasure.
I pray that my writing inspires others to be better and know they are not alone. May it bring us closer together in sisterhood while bringing the best out of one another. I am still a work in progress but I have no problem rising up to the challenge and bringing others right along with me. Empowerment for me is not about how far I can go but how far can I encourage others to go.
So, until next time, God Bless you all!
Peace and Love,
AMC
