LIKE A JAR OF RIVER WATER

I have to admit, most of the time, I am the one to blame. I’m the one who gets in the way of what God has for me and what He wants for me. Sometimes, I feel like I can’t help it. I’m a thinker.  A planner. I like schedules and I like structure. I like to figure things out. I like to make sense of things.  And when they don’t, after all the work I put into planning my life, well, I’m left defeated and confused. What went wrong? What did I do wrong?

If you submerge a glass jar and fill it up with river water what you will see is all the sediment swirling around in the jar- matter, dirt, rock particles, etc. You’d probably see less of the water and more of the sediment twisting and spiraling, what seems to be out of control, especially if you give that jar a nice little shake. 

So, after all my DOING, I’m left undone and feeling much like a jar of river water. Everything around me moves around in a chaotic manner. I’m the jar, all shaken up and the sediment swirling around was the busyness in my life, my emotions, my thoughts, my plans, all of my doings in an attempt to control my days, my weeks, my future. 

This image helped me identify where my life was just last year. All the swirling around me left me tired, exhausted and to the point of burn-out. I wanted everything to stop! But I couldn’t just stop being a wife, a mom, work, leader, etc.  Wouldn’t that be nice? In fantasy land, I would just isolate myself on a secluded island sipping on an ice, cold Pina Colada (virgin of course) with a personal butler who attends to my every need. It doesn’t hurt to dream every once in a while, does it? But, waking up from my dream, reminded me of my present reality and the sadness that I felt. 

But, sadness can sometimes be good. Sadness reminded me that there is something missing. Sadness became my motivator to seek change. Seek stillness. To seek peace. Psalm 46:10 gently reminds us to “Be still, and know that I am God!” It sounds so simple, but it really isn’t. How can I be still when there is so much to do? How can I be still when this world is in the middle of a pandemic and everything is in chaos? How can I be still when my mind doesn’t stop thinking, planning and strategizing? Well, Lord, with all due respect, you are the one who made this way! (Btw – He can handle my direct statements.)

And then He sent me a personal invitation to solitude and silence! Really Lord? Just you and me on a secluded island? (spiritually speaking) What? You will attend to my every need? (Ooohhh, kinda like the butler in my dream)   It was an invitation to meet God deeply in the midst of the demands and noise of everyday life. A place where I can experience His fullness of joy, peace, faithfulness, goodness and most important, INTIMACY. Tears rolled down my face as I realized that all this time, I was not able to articulate that my soul had been starving for fellowship with the lover of my soul. That in all my DOING, I had forgotten the most important thing in my life, BEING with my Creator, Father, and Author of my life. 

I learned that in solitude, I am forced to pull away from all my human striving. I spend less time DOING and more time BEING. Which means, I need to minimize or cut out the unimportant stuff – social media, tv, trash, OCD tendencies, etc. In silence, I create space for God’s activities rather than filling every second and minute with my own. It’s kinda like a new checklist of doing things with God first before I start doing the things that I think will make me happy. 

Solitude and silence allows you to sit still long enough that when the sediment in the jar of river water settles, you can begin to see clearly again. You begin to see the life-giving water and less of the chaos. Everything that was swirling before the busyness, the mom life, the wife life, ministry life, my emotions, my thoughts, my inner chaos. All of this needed to settle before the waters of my soul began to settle. It became a conscious decision to place God first. I gave him my first fruits of the day before I began any “doing.” I created a secret place in my closet (my secluded island) and I invited God every day through reading, studying and meditating on His Word. I journal. I reflected. Sometimes, I created my private island on my back porch and I would hear God through the birds singing, the top of the trees swaying towards heaven or a gentle breeze that reminded me of His goodness. When you are going 100 mph and attempting to control your own destiny, you miss the small details that remind you of the magnitude of who God is. 

Elijah, a prophet from the Old Testament, had a personal encounter with God as well. The Lord led him to a cave in a mountain (there goes that secluded island again) where the Lord presented himself to him, but only after Elijah had hit rock bottom, he was fearful and in despair. 

I Kings 19: 11- 13

11 “Go out and stand before me on the mountain,” the Lord told him. And as Elijah stood there, the Lord passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12 And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave.

And a voice said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

God knew exactly where Elijah was because He’s the one that led him there. In asking him, God wanted Elijah to search deep the waters of his soul. Elijah had done some great things for the Lord. He was the prophet who won the showdown at Mount Carmel. Elijah did all these things and then some, yet, he didn’t see the results he was expecting. Elijah more than likely expected God in the doing of a great wind, a mighty earthquake or a majestic fire. Instead, God came in the being of a gentle whisper and some translations say, a sheer silence. It was then, that he felt the presence of the Lord and the Lord directed his path from the cave. 

It’s not until the sediment settles that I can hear God asking me, “Lucy, what are you doing here? It’s not until I stop and enter into solitude and silence that I am able to be still and know that He is God. It’s a knowing that comes in silence, the gentle whisper – not in words or big manifestation. It’s letting go of myself and everything my mind is holding on to in order to receive the revelation that comes from beyond myself. And my biggest revelation is that all the things that I need to know, solve and figure out in my life are not going to be discovered, solved or figured out in my thinking level. The things that I need to know, solve and figure out will be heard at the listening level. That gentle whisper. 

There’s nothing wrong with all the things that I do today as a mom – teaching my daughters and women about the truth of God; being a wife to my pastor husband; leading in ministry through writing, speaking and teaching; helping others discover, develop and display Christ in their lives, etc. But my human striving needs to be about BEING with the ONE who called me, chose me and sends me. When I’m in the thick of all the sediment of my life swirling around like the jar of river water, there’s no way I can do all the good things that God planned for me in a cheerful, joyful manner. What’s the point of doing good things for the Lord if I am just tired, resentful and overwhelmed. I would be giving in to what the enemy wants for me: “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10) The only way I can have life and live it abundantly is by choosing every day who I will serve – myself or God?  Living my life like a jar of swirling river water wasn’t what God desired for me and it wasn’t very fitting for me. 

What about you? What are you doing here??

About the Author: Lucy

Pastor Lucy is the Women’s Ministry Director at Crossover Church in Tampa, FL. She has been serving in urban ministry alongside her pastor husband, “Urban D” for over 20 years! She has served in a variety of positions from youth ministry, to conference & retreat planning, church administration, and co-authored her first book, The Seed Was Always There. Although her roles include teaching, speaking, leading and mentoring at different levels, her passion is to see women of all backgrounds empowered to reach their God-given potential and to live extraordinary lives. Why? Because God takes the ordinary and makes it extraordinary!

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