STRONG, COURAGEOUS AND NEVER INTIMIDATED

Sometimes you use all your strength to muster every ounce of self-respect and courage you have within and you walk out within the first five minutes of a date.

Seven months ago, God made it abundantly clear that He wanted me in Tampa.  He blazed a path.  Everything happened so quickly and seamlessly!  He cleared every obstacle that was in my path – from UHAULs that stalled out to threats of Hurricane Dorian descending on the city.  No one could have done that but Him. My God most certainly does things with flare.  He loves to remind me who is God.  

When the movers were gone and the dust settled and that “oh crap, I officially live in Tampa” moment set in, something unexpected hit me.  Who was that unexpected visitor?  Loneliness.  

I had planned everything so carefully with my move to Tampa.  There are some things, though, that you can’t simply will into existence.  You can’t will friendships, relationships or intimacy into existence – but that didn’t stop this girl from trying!  Lonely and single in a new city?  That sounds like the perfect storm for online dating.  

So, there I sat in my living room swiping right and left to try to find the cure for my loneliness.  I found Mr. Funny – who turned into Mr. No Respect for Boundaries.  I found Mr. Suave Conversation Skills – who ended up being Mr. Liar Liar Pants on Fire.  I even found Mr. Eye Candy who ended up being Mr. Commitment-Phobe.  

There was one man who seemed just right though.  When we started talking the conversation seemed to flow effortlessly.  We talked for hours several days in a row.  Things were heating up fast.  Things were so intriguing that when he asked if I wanted to meet for a glass of wine and some conversation at 8pm on a Tuesday night – the thoughts of me not really being a wine-drinker and being up at 6am on Wednesday didn’t even get in the way of me quickly saying yes.

With all of the world’s mutant butterflies hosting a convention in the pit of my stomach, I sat in the parking lot waiting for him to arrive.  He called me as he pulled up and parked right next to me.  With online dating there’s always that 5% chance the person who pulls up isn’t even going to be the person you saw on the dating profile.  I was relieved to find a familiar face, a bright smile, a nice build, a work uniform and a warm hug.  We walked into the restaurant.  As we approached the hostess, he excused himself to wash his hands.

I told the hostess she could seat us anywhere.  It’s like she knew we were on a first date – she took me to a quiet corner.

When my date walked out of the restroom, I caught his eye and flagged him down.  That’s where things started to take a drastic turn.  When he walked up to the table, he said he was hoping to sit at the bar.  

I think my exact response was a hesitant and uncomfortable: “Oooooooooookaayyyyyyyyyyyyy,” served with some side eye and an embarrassed pink complexion shot in the direction of the hostess.  

I reluctantly followed my date to the bar area.  While we were walking that direction, I explained to him that I just didn’t want to sit in a high-top chair.  I was wearing a sleek black dress made of slippery material and didn’t want to feel like I was on a playground slide instead of a chair the whole night.

As we approached the bar, I noticed there were two lower chairs and the bar was lower on one side.  I pointed those chairs out and said: “How about here?”

He said: “Naw, I was trying to catch the game though.”

PAUSE.  HOLD THE PHONE.  

In this moment time froze and my mind moved a million miles an hour.  My daddy taught me that when you date a man you get the best version of him.  He told me if the dating version of a man isn’t stellar you can expect the married version of that man to be much worse.  And who did this guy think he was?  He had me drive 20 minutes from home on a weeknight for a first “date” and now he wanted to watch the game?  He wanted to see who would earn the title of “winner” when he had a winning prize like me standing right at his side?  No way.

UNPAUSE.

“Maybe I should just go so you can watch the game,” I found myself saying without even hearing the words in my head before saying them.

“Naw, you don’t have to do that,” he replied as he proceeded to walk to look for a seat in the high-top section of the bar.

Voice shaking, strength mustered and head high I stopped him, looked him in the eyes and said: “I’m gonna go.  You have a good night.  Take care.”

Lip quivering and legs feeling like Jell-O beneath me I turned around and headed for the door.  My eyes met with the hostess’s eyes on the way out.  Hilariously, the thing that felt right was shooting a head nod and the deuces in her direction.  I just received a sympathetic look in return.

Leaving that date was one of the hardest things I have done for myself in a long time.  I’m typically keeper of the peace, everyone’s friend and sometimes a doormat that others wipe their feet on.  I’ve been working on that and this moment proved that my work has paid off.

I relentlessly questioned my decision over the next few days.  I went back home to face my loneliness.  My loneliness and self-worth were in a battle.  I was proud that my self-worth emerged as a mighty warrior.  Despite this, the enemy couldn’t help but try to whisper lies to me about how inconsiderate I was to that man.  The enemy would whisper to me that I was a witch to him and that choices like that are the reason why I still find myself alone.

The Holy Spirit prompted me to tell the enemy who I actually am.  Who am I?  I’m empowered.  I’m the daughter of a king.  I’m a prize.  I’m beautiful, compassionate, caring and strong.  I have healthy boundaries.  I have zero tolerance for those who treat me as less than who I know my creator made me to be.

How did I get even with the enemy’s lies?  I changed my date’s name in my phone to “He Wanted to Watch the Game.”

No one disrespects a daughter of a King that way.

As far as my loneliness?  I still battle with it sometimes.  I’m convinced that the man God has for me will truly be equally yoked with me.  If we’re equally yoked that means he’s probably just as stubborn as I am and he’s having difficulty recognizing he needs to ask God for directions on how to find me.  I know he will one day.  Again, if we’re equally yoked, he’s constantly working on turning to God over everything also – and let’s face it – that is the ultimate cure to all loneliness.

“Be strong.  Take courage. Don’t be intimidated.  Don’t give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you.  He won’t let you down.  He won’t leave you.” Deuteronomy 31:6 (MSG)

About the Author: Nicole

Nicole currently lives in Tampa. She loves her son called Ar’Mondo and her church home called Crossover. Nicole has a background in social work, has done some masters work in counseling and is currently working as an Underwriter for a Home Insurance Company based out of the Tampa Bay area. She is a fan of the color purple, all things chocolate and is obsessed with glitter eye shadow. She believes laughter is the best medicine and tries to take her medicine as often as possible. Nicole tries to find the silver lining on dark cloudy days whenever possible. She loves Jesus and loves people and tries to do both well.

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