The Gift of Motherhood
By Janine Carrero
Biological or chosen, nothing can truly prepare you for the miracle of being a mother. Years of dreaming or nine months of planning still leaves much to learn. Children are life and growth goes beyond the womb to deep within the soul of a woman. For me, the dreams were vivid with names chosen and so much more. For a decade, my husband and I laughed and cried over parenthood. We would laugh knowing what we would be in for with little versions of ourselves. Then, year after year, with no children we would cry waterfalls wondering why we were not worthy of such a miracle. Hope was lost in the body of water connected to the falls followed by a deep pain that suppressed our dreaming. A pain that at its core was caused by an absence of unwavering faith because as we believe today, His timing and plans are perfect.
I will never forget the day my first nephew was born. When my brother and his wife asked my mom and I to be in the delivery room I was ecstatic. I was also a little disappointed. Television and movies led me to believe I would not only witness the joy surrounding the miracle of birth, but also a chaotic scene filled with screams of pain. This image had been my silver lining each time I went down the emotional hole of “I will never have a baby”. Instead, I saw my sister-in-law with perfect makeup and hair updating her Facebook page. The parents had chosen not to do a gender reveal, so my brother and I were the first to know it was a boy. And since my brother looked like he was going to pass out, I was thrilled to shout out the long-awaited reveal. While the excitement was truly around the healthy arrival of a beautiful new addition to our family, I must confess that I was relieved it was a boy. I can hardly do my own hair so the thought of having to detangle knots while babysitting had me filled with anxiety. Joking aside, God allowing me to share in experiencing the birth of my nephew was an equally incredible gift of witnessing childbirth itself!
This gift opened our hearts to all the possibilities. For the first time in what seemed like a lifetime of not dreaming, I was excited to just make a difference in the life of a child while sharing moments of hiccup-filled laughter, “why” questions, and heart-to-heart conversations. We were taking the focus off ourselves to make the needs of a child a priority. Also, sharing the consequences of poor choices so that they could learn from our mistakes and challenging ourselves to live life better that results in a greater impact on his or her life. We could do these things and more with any child God puts in our path - be it for a single moment, a season, or a lifetime. This revelation gave my husband and me a heart for at-risk youth and so we joined a ministry that allowed us to have a greater impact on the lives of children. I did not know it at the time, but God was preparing us for our second child at a time when we did not even have our first child.
The connections we made with these beautiful children of God allowed us to embrace the idea of adoption or fostering in the future. The idea was not something we actively pursued. But praise God because a few months later my brother-in-law and his girlfriend gave birth to our second nephew who would forever change our lives. From the first moment I held him in my arms, the bond was undeniable and I knew my life would never be the same. Just three weeks later without any preparation, my husband and I were helping to raise this little miracle who was living with us at least five days a week due to the dysfunctional home he was born into. Oh, how our hearts were delighted daily as we experienced all the joys of raising a child from infancy. Then came the not so “terrible twos” where God allowed the birth mother’s abandonment since his birth to be a seamless transition as he went from living with us days at a time to weeks at a time, to now years at a time. The vivid dreams we had over a decade ago of our firstborn have all been realized in our nephew’s eyes, smiles, and words. He is just like my husband in so many ways and he tells us every single day about how much he loves us and appreciates the love and care we show and give him.
When our nephew turned five years old and grew up in a stable loving home with my husband and me, seven hundred seventy-one miles away, the same could not be said for his older half-brother. We received a phone call from a social worker who advised that at the age of nine this at-risk youth would be placed in a group home unless we wanted to take over legal custody. Despite the potential challenges, my husband and I flew out to bring the newest member of our chosen family home. To witness the boys be reunited and bond over the issues that only they can understand has been an incredible testimony to God’s love for His children. At every turn, the gift of being a mother is just as scary as it is exciting. And becoming a mother to a nine-year-old who hardly knows us was nothing short of terrifying. But, in remembering that God’s timing and plans are perfect, even though I did not know how to swim, I jumped into the deep end of the motherhood pool with excitement and purpose. Though the journey with our older son may be different than that of his younger brother, the laughter and love shared along with the lessons learned are additional gifts from God. Gifts that I will always treasure as much as the first time he called me mom and said he loved me. And, if that was not enough, the older brother thanks my husband and I all the time for saving his life. Truth be told, he and his brother saved our lives.
Our youngest is now 10 years old and our oldest is 14. Both boys continue to be a blessing and inspire my husband and me often. Most recently, they inspired me to get on a path to greater health and kick my life-long soda addiction when they asked me to replace the soda with water and walking because they want me to be around for many more years. When I was propositioned in this way, I just knew I had to accept their challenge for all of us. And in doing so I have forgotten the taste of soda, fell in love with water and walking, all while lowering my A1C (blood sugar levels) from 12.4 to 7.2. I am by no means done improving my health as there is still more work to do but the gift of being a mother to these boys has shown me nothing is impossible with God.
No one is perfect and we all need help. So, from the selfless choice to birth one’s child, to accepting the responsibility of helping that child be someone God created them to be, motherhood under any circumstance is truly a gift from God to every family member. Gone are the times wishing for biological children and questioning why not. We now know that had we had children of our own we would not have been able to be parents for these boys. Both of them are our children in every way that matters. I could not love either of them more than if I had given them birth myself and my husband cut their umbilical cord. As a chosen woman of God, I want to be the kind of mother they both deserve, so I will continue to ask God for help to be more like Him and demonstrate the patience I sometimes lack. And when I am anxious about making a mistake or the next phase in their lives, I will simply trust God’s plan while living and having faith in Him.
Proverbs 22:6 – The Message
“Point your kids in the right direction—when they’re old they won’t be lost.”
