Lessons in Life Come with Pain and Truth

By Brandy Grillo

Lessons in life often come with experiences, challenges, and reflections, teaching resilience, empathy, and self-discovery. Some we learn, some we fail at, and we miss understanding the lesson. Lessons are a part of life. We cannot run or hide from them. They are continually showing up in every season of life. Without them, how would we learn? We simply do not. That is why some, if not, all of us are repeating life cycles due to not learning from the lesson. Ladies and Gents, some words I most recently heard are that we must learn how to "Own Our Lessons." 

In October, I had a situation at my job. It is a recurring problem with a separate department, but one that also works with mine. I work in the medical field. I am a part of the clinic, and the other department is scheduling. Now, scheduling has no medical background, yet they schedule medical appointments. Frustration with incorrect appointments all the way down to chart notes can become aggravating. I have been with the company for a little over six years. I usually keep a cool demeanor when it comes to talking, emailing, and charting in notes with the scheduling department, but then came a day in October. I became frustrated when what I thought was a simple request for a task to be done became more than simple. It turned into a two-day email with the department supervisor filled with snapshots, questions, frustrations, and an unexpected result. I did not complete the task through the individual scheduler I emailed about. I ended up doing it myself after sending an email about doing so; I got a portion of the scheduling wrong, though I swore I was right, and I got an email from a director the following day explaining the disappointment she had in me and my provider with the reactions in our emails towards the scheduling department. The email went on to advise how we should have handled this situation and that moving forward, she does not expect to see the response that was given from me or the provider toward any department. 

Now, some facts were not mentioned correctly in the email from the director, but I had to come to the point that it was not what I said. It was how I said it and how I responded to it. The facts I presented around my case, the clinic's perspective, and all the sauce that came with it got lost due to how I reacted and continued to respond. The director was right; I could have called the supervisor or the director instead of emailing, as we know text/email can get lost in translation. I could see that happening, but I wanted to prove a point. Focusing so hard on proving my point brought unnecessary attention to myself. 

Now, my email did not consist of vulgar language or any disrespectful content. The email did have the face of frustration instead of being uplifted and calm. The email caused my words to convey a wrong impression, which overrode the facts that I was presenting. I wanted to be right so badly that I allowed my flesh to take over. I was emotionally authoring the email instead of being rational. I had not read the director's email until the following day, and until then, I felt like I was in the right; my coworker's approval made me not think twice about it. It is not like I said what I really wanted to say, and what I wanted to say would have been worse. This is where I felt the pressure of the Holy Spirit tugging at my heart to reconsider my thoughts around my behavior. I had a conversation with God that night but was not moved enough to surrender it to him. As I read the director's email the following day, I instantly felt regret and conviction tugging inside my heart again with every word I read. I went to the email I sent and read it from start to finish, seeing all the ways this could have been handled professionally instead of my way. I began to hear Proverbs playing in my ear:

I do have a problem when it comes to my mouth and being confrontational. I have great intentions for delivering my words, but they do not always arrive with grace. I grew up in a home without sensitivity to words; the mouth was never shut, and it just cut, sliced, and diced anyone in the way. I found a great quote from TD Jakes:

"Speak without being offensive, listen without being defensive, and always leave your opponent with dignity."

Now, here I was at work, displaying the learned habit of having no control over my feelings and mouth and being defensive in my choice of words. Yes, I have grown in this area due to my walk with Christ, but I am still in progress, and this was the lesson of that great quote. Though I did not curse or get disrespectful, I still was out of character, and it did not bring any glory to God; in fact, it brought me back to the grave of shame. 

"So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything for the glory of God" 1 Corinthians 10:31 

The next few days, I felt low in my heart and spirit. I was battling between condemnation and conviction. I started to see myself as a person who could not change and was emotionally led again. I felt the shame of missing the mark and sinning. I heard the negative voices, the ones we all have, start to get louder and louder, taking me down into a pit of hell instead of laying down at my Father's feet, casting off my burdens. It was a heavyweight that was heavier than the frustration I carried into that email. It kept me from having a sound mind to being an overthinker; I swear I thought more those few days than the rest of the month. Repeatedly, the cycle of shame was trying to have me fall into a place God was not trying to have me go; instead, he needed me to recognize what I did, apologize, let go, and own the lesson. 

What does it look like to own your lesson? Do you have anything God is convicting you on, and you are not listening? Have you ever owned your lesson? 

For me, before I completely entered that grave of shame and condemnation, I knew this was not from God, the feelings that were against me, accusing me when they were the ones who were encouraging me during the email. I know better than to let my emotions drive the car, but honestly, it felt like they stole the keys and jumped in the car. I decided to go to God again in prayer, honest prayer. I told him my frustrations and everything that was wrong with them and little about me. I cried; I pouted; I sat there with no words, but I had facial expressions over the thoughts racing around in my head. Some from God and some that were not. In those moments, I had to choose to stop listening to the voices that were not from my Father. I asked him to meet me where I was and show me what I could not see. I prayed for my job and all the people involved. I reminded myself that I was not who I used to be and am not who I want to be, but that I am making daily progress in the right direction. Two days after the incident, I contacted the scheduling supervisor via phone, and she did not answer. I left her a voicemail apologizing for the frustrating ongoing email and hoped she could forgive me. The following day, I received a voicemail from her. It was something I was not expecting at all; her tone was happy, and she told me how she had known me for years and that we all have bad days. She advised me that she was not offended because it was I, the Brandy, that she knew, and she concluded that it was just me being out of my element of grace. She even told me there was no need for an apology and that she was okay without one, but she accepted it anyway. Happy tears fell from my eyes sitting right there at my desk because though I had made a mistake, I had a record of kindness, understanding, and grace already built up with this relationship. I kept the voicemail for a keepsake! At that moment, peace fell into my heart, and I was able to give myself grace and let go. I was not my mistake. I did not have to sit in shame. I was a human being who messed up, and it was okay. I had known better and decided not to do better, but love awaited me. ❤️ That love picked me up from my lowly spirit and carried me into a sound mind, knowing that I was loved by my neighbor and by my Creator. 

Owning my lesson meant embracing personal responsibility for my actions and spiritual growth. It had me find scriptures related to the power of words and begin to study the book of Proverbs. It taught me to start applying its teachings in my life more. It involved a proactive pursuit of understanding God's words and living by biblical principles. I must take the high road even when my emotions scream at me to do the opposite. We must swim against our current, our desires, and our feelings, which is not a common thing to do today. I must own my lesson so that I can conquer challenges, overcome obstacles, and grow personally and spiritually. It is a mindset that enables me to face difficulties with resilience, learn from experiences, and achieve success in various aspects of my life. 

Did this post resonate with a lesson God may be guiding you to own? If so, I hope you have been encouraged by this blog post. We have lessons to learn and lessons to own.