you KNOW better than that
By Chrys Williams
I think I was robbed of normal childhood stuff. Hear me out because I’m sure I am not the only person who feels this way...
I’ve watched movies and tv shows. I’ve read books and listened to my friends tell their stories of life at home. A majority of the stories I heard as a youngin’ were no surprise to me and about someone doing something wrong or poorly attempting to deny or cover up their wrongdoing and inevitably getting caught by their parents or other adult figures. And here’s what I’ve deduced from these types of media storytelling - that I was more truthful than I needed to be as a kid!
To be fair, I rarely had anything to lie about. I was a pretty good kid. I did my chores (no allowance by the way), I made good grades, and I stayed away from the hormones of other people. Simply put, I stayed out of trouble. And this was because I knew right from wrong. My mom and dad did their job. Thank you, parents, you da real ones! But on the off chance that I did get caught (notice how I worded that - I never said I was a perfect child), I would, of course, be reprimanded and scolded the only way my parents knew how. Also, in the process of my punishment, my mom would eventually tell me what I knew. She would say, “you KNOW better than that!”
When I got to college, I was introduced to Jesus relationally. I vowed to always do my best and remain the upstanding person I believed I was, flaws and all. I was lit and ready to learn more about my God and how to heal and forgive and pray and seek and grow, etc.
However, by this period of my life I was tired of seeing others do wrong with virtually no consequences. No one seemed to be getting “reprimanded” like I did and I was genuinely upset by it. Honestly, I felt like I’ve always done what was right and good for a person to do. I was never able to turn over a new leaf because I was already on the leaf all the time. I would ask the question, “why do I have to get it and why must I ‘KNOW better than that’ all the time?” I must admit though, that I still explored this sinful world and a tiny bit of what it had to offer because of those thoughts. I explored the world of seemingly blatant sinfulness. Nothing too crazy, but I was there, interviewing people I wouldn’t ordinarily interact with for clarity of their mindsets and I dabbled in experiences that inevitably led to a transformed series of unfortunate events. It was like window shopping for trouble, then buying the trouble that I knew I didn’t want to own. And, as natural consequences came to guide me out of the trouble, my mother’s voice radiated from ear to ear. Don’t tell her that though.
Now, let’s fast forward. I am an intersecting member of society and a Christian, Black female in her mid 20s with two degrees worth of college education and who teaches preschool-age children. I’ve learned how to let God pave the paths that are laid for me. With Him, I followed his lead in leaving Tampa, Florida to move to Atlanta, Georgia. I took a new job in an administrative position and I’ve been confidently getting the lay of the land in all aspects of this new chapter in my life. Of course, there have been moments of weakness, tears, doubt, and anxiety, as I transition into my new pot of growth. Yet, with the world’s current climate and my ability to see it all through social media, I can’t help but mourn for the present and what’s to come. In my opinion, it’s enough to make me question the hope for this world.
I’ve recently found myself performing my monologue, “I KNOW better than that”, once again. The temptations still follow me and entice me to get through these times of unfairness, tragedy, and despair with their assistance. But this time I was stopped in the midst of my spiel with the heart of Ecclesiastes, a bible book I just finished reading a few months ago. I went back to the book to refresh my memory and this scripture stuck out to me:
“Everything has already been decided. It was known long ago what each person would be. So there's no use arguing with God about your destiny. The more words you speak, the less they mean. So what good are they?”
Ecclesiastes 6:10-11, NLT
Do you ever read scripture and think these words are coming at you with just all the shade? Passive-aggressive at its best? Well, I know that when I have this feeling it's none other than conviction. It’s what my heart needed to hear to start, once again, filtering the passions of my flesh from the calling of my soul. When I read that verse aloud, with no one around, I said to myself, “whoa, can you chill?”
The difference in who I am growing to be is that my God has instilled in me a heart that wants to constantly detoxify and cleanse itself, purifying it with God’s will for me. Of course, the temptations of being “a lesser version of me” will always be available, tempting me to shy away from God’s invitation for me to be what I need to be for His Kingdom.
I not only “KNOW better than that”, I know BETTER than that. It’s an honor and a privilege and not a curse to know and live in God’s truth. He’s the BESTEST, and as long as I continue to follow his concrete path, my attempts to make this path seem flimsy will never prevail. I know this to be true!
