BITTERSWEET
By Agatha Caballero
As a young adult, I always said I wouldn't get married. I started having kids early, so marriage was out of the question for me. I always felt it wasn't in my book. Now, don’t get me wrong, my parents both died married to each other, but they separated before I was born. How is that? Yeah, I still ask myself that same question. Nevertheless, my dad always said I should not have had any kids out of wedlock. Fast forward, kids are grown, and I am more spiritually mature. I still didn't think about marriage, but I did want GOD to bless me with a partner I could do life with. I knew that I didn’t want to spend my life alone.
Back in 2016, I knew I needed a change. My life for a while had been full of stress, discouragement, and heartbreak, and I was fed up. I remember I cried so hard in September 2016 at a friend's house in Miami, Fl, and that was the weekend I gave my life to Christ. There was no turning back now. I am a child of the highest GOD, so my plea was for GOD to show me a better way. To show me what to do and how to do it. I wanted to move to Florida so badly, yet what I should have realized is that the move would mean no kids, no grandkids, no parents, and no anybody. Just me, myself, and I.
Fast forward, I leaped and trusted GOD with this move. He stripped me of everything material and alienated me so I could fully focus and depend on HIM. I cried every night for months because I was unhappy. I was lonely. I couldn't understand why he would bring me this far to have me feeling like this. I felt this heavy weight on me. I didn’t know what was going to happen or even how. I didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was so alone. I was still grieving, so breathing was still tough. I desired a turnaround, and I wanted GOD to send me a partner after His own heart so that I could start this new life in Florida. I remember saying, "GOD, I will leave back to NY because I can’t do this here without support ." Everything looked impossible. The enemy wanted me to sink. He wanted me to be backward and not believe in GOD for the release of freedom over my life.
On October 6, 2020, I got a message from an Apostle I know who I had shared what I was going through and wanted her to pray for some things. She told me that GOD put on her heart some things to tell me, and she said that in 18 days, GOD would do something miraculous. Amongst other things, I was anxious to see what GOD would do. On October 23, I met my now husband in an unexpected way, and we went on our first date the next day. We have been together ever since. Only GOD, I tell you, because I would have never met him, not to mention being open to talking to a man like him. I tested him by asking him to come to church with me, and yes was his answer! GOD moved on his heart from that day, and I knew he was the one sent to me.
On November 18, 2022, we got married. I had to work on taking that step. I had a conversation with GOD, and it went like this, "GOD, I want to marry him. Of course, I do. I love him and all you have done with him and us but GOD, it will be a lonely wedding. I have no parents; my kids are in NY, and I have no family.” These are the things I brought to his feet. And “God, if I get married, I want the wedding at the beach.” Of course, this wedding didn't look like anything I wanted, but GOD had other plans. I cried a week before because I kept thinking about how I would marry the man I love so much, and none of my parents would be here to experience this joy with me.
But GOD is all I can say. The night before my wedding, I had cooked for my sister/mother-in-law and the witnesses to my marriage. I remember being in the kitchen nervous about the next day when I heard somebody calling my name. When I came out of the kitchen, my best friend and my mentor from NY flew in just for the weekend to surprise me because even though I told them about the wedding, I told them not to come. I told them it was short notice and not a big deal. I started crying because I couldn't believe how much they loved me to do a last-minute flight for me. The topping on the cake was my best friend, who brought both her mom and dad, who told me, "I am lending you, my parents, for your big day since yours are not here.” As I write this, I am balling because GOD knew how much I was hurting, and He provided.
God showed up and showed out for me. That day it was a beautiful day outside. I had something new, which was my friend's parents. My aunt from my mother's side lent me a pair of shoes as something old and connected to my mother's side, and my sister-in-law lent me something blue straight off her neck. My husband blushed when he saw me walk out of the room dressed up, and the fact that he was so happy that his family was able to attend made me happy. You see, what I learned is that GOD protects His children. He loves us. His word in Isaiah 55:8-9 reminds us to put our complete trust in GOD because His ways and plans are always better than our own and to trust that everything included in His plan is for the greater good.
You see, I could not have expected it to go any other way than it went because, in hindsight, He knew already what I needed and what I didn’t. God knows us better than we know ourselves. He will show up and fill empty spaces because He loves us. I encourage anyone reading this who might have a situation going on and doesn't know what it looks like. You might feel discouraged, scared, and unsure, but know that GOD has a plan for our lives and will always be better than what we think.
