TO THIS DAY

I know you’ve probably heard the old adage, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” As a matter of fact, you may have said it as a child, but then you grew up to find out that you have been deceiving yourself. Words do hurt. A lot. And whoever made that up, well, they didn’t know what they were talking about, to put it mildly. 

To this day I remember the words to my elementary school alma mater song; the words to most songs I listened to my teen years; and even quotes from famous movies, like “YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!” (A Few Good Men, 1992). And, I’m pretty sure, that regardless of your age, when you hear the tune to one of those memorable nursery rhymes, you might just start singing along!

To this day I remember the words that hurt me emotionally and mentally that influenced my choices and decisions in life. In middle school I was called a “spic”which is a highly offensive term used in a derogatory manner to a Hispanic person. The offense caused me to act in a very defensive manner. Let’s just say, I’ll save that for another blog! One moment that marked me is when I came home from school with my report card and my dad yelled at me for my grades. I earned a B in one of my classes and he let it be known that a B was not good enough. 

I would say that the words that cause the most harm are the ones that come from those closest to you – even if it was unintentional or meant in a joking manner. As humans we have the tendency to question others when they don’t look, talk or act like us. Therefore, my height, my body type and my hair was the topic of discussion at times at family gatherings because compared to them, I was exceptionally tall, didn’t have the typical hispanic body and  rocked thick kinky hair that no one knew what to do with. I had no doubt in my mind that my family loved me, but their curiousness regarding my uniqueness caused me to doubt myself even at a young age. 

All these words spoken and unspoken, led me down a road over the years where I internalized and created my own belief system that I was not good enough or that I did not belong. So my growing up years I would describe as being in a constant state of comparison. The grass was always greener on the other side and I was very discontent with my life and who I was.

And then I met Paul. Paul loved Jesus and I was drawn to him and his words.  He was so passionate with his writing that I began to take careful attention to his warnings to keep my eyes only on Jesus. Paul was also so encouraging and full of wisdom and the crazy part is that most of what he told me was from behind bars in jail in between his missionary trips. His words were turned into letters and divided by books of the bible. Check out what he says in Philippians 3: 12-14:

12 I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. 13 No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, reminds me of my running days in track. Staying in my lane, not looking to my side and pacing my breathing with my eyes fixed only on the finish line ahead. Once you start running, you can’t look back or you can loose your balance and focus. Because, if I look over to the other lane, I may notice that her Nike’s are better than mine or that her hair is perfectly made up as she is running. I might notice that she looks more fit and stronger than me or that she looks extremely confident. I might notice that I still hear the voices from the past that tell me there is something wrong with me and that I am not good enough. 

But to this day, I remember the words of Paul. He told me to stay in my lane.  He said I”m surrounded by a such a great cloud of witnesses, that I need to throw away everything that hinders me from running with endurance and perseverance, the race marked out for me. (Hebrews 12:1-2). What should I throw out? The words stuffed in the baggage, because the baggage will slow you down and wear you out. There might be some hurdles along the way, but keep running, jump over them and stay the race in the lane that has my name on it. Basically, he taught me that I had the power to choose which words I would let penetrate my soul- diminishing, life sucking words or the life-giving, heart healing words of God. I spent many years disqualifying myself from my own race. My true victory and freedom came in remembering God’s words, not my friends, family, media, etc. Living life is when you uncover your true self, stay in your lane and be the authentic version of yourself – fearfully and wonderfully made because God makes no mistakes with His creation.

So I stand before you, well, actually, sit before you as an imperfect woman who has not arrived yet and never will until the day I stand before my Savior. I’ve been marked by the words of God and now part of my mission is for other women to be beautifully marked by God’s gentle and loving words that can breathe new life into their soul… I am fully aware of my shortcomings and some of them embarrassingly so, yet I know that they do not disqualify me or you from loving and being loved freely. My willingness to open up, uncover and be authentic is rooted in what I now believe about myself. When we trust God’s truth about who we are, our authenticity will naturally shine into the world.  Life-giving words are making my life shine. I want to help you find the words that will make your life shine as well!

About the Author: Lucy

Pastor Lucy is the Women’s Ministry Director at Crossover Church in Tampa, FL. She has been serving in urban ministry alongside her pastor husband, “Urban D” for over 20 years! She has served in a variety of positions from youth ministry, to conference & retreat planning, church administration, and co-authored her first book, The Seed Was Always There. Although her roles include teaching, speaking, leading and mentoring at different levels, her passion is to see women of all backgrounds empowered to reach their God-given potential and to live extraordinary lives. Why? Because God takes the ordinary and makes it extraordinary!

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